im having a threesome with these popsicles
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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