all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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