we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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