Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
