While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
