Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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