I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
