i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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