eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize