Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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