ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
