make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
