he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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