I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
