I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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