I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
