it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
