Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
