Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
