You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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