why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
