The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
