Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
