he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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