two words: eviction party
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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