She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
