I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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