What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
