i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
farters have to be the big spoon...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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