So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
