It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
