the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
