So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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