porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
