and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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