She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
