why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
