he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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