Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
