I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
