and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
