There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
