Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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