its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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