Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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