Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
