roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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