i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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