If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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