Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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