I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
