The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
