maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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