I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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