i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
