Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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