I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
