God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
