I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
