U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
