and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
