it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
