you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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