We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
