Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found the puke drawer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
