I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
