What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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