you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
