I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize