You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
either way he was missing a nipple.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
