you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
