I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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