She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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