awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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