YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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