mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
