READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
