the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
