the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize