I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
