your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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