I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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